Boys Will Be Boys. I’d Rather Be a Man.

“Grab them by the p—y. You can do anything.”

Seriously, Mr. Trump? Seriously?

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Politics aside, sir, your lewd words appall me. Indeed, your entire approach to women as nothing more than objects to serve your nihilistic appetites churns my stomach. Ironic at first glance, isn’t it, such a claim coming from a man who barters in words of sex and sensuality on a daily basis? But see, here’s the thing. There’s a reason I write the way I do, and on the topics I choose to write about. Can you guess what that reason is, sir? Of course you can. Just like everything else in this broken down world lately, it truly is all about you.

But don’t go feeling too special just yet. My disdain reaches equally to all those of your kind. And believe me, I’ve met and known my share. I know from firsthand experience the detachment from accountability that can come from the billionaire lifestyle. I’ve seen it rot the mind from within. Like a child left unchecked in the candy store, who dares to demand your responsibility? What hand ever existed in your insulated world to slap yours away and teach you right from wrong?

Perhaps that’s the heart of your problem, and of all those who mirror you. You’ve developed no compass to guide you. You’re driven only by your basest hungers run wild, leaving you less emotionally evolved than the poorest vagrant among us. But worse than that, sir, your empathy is broken, and with it your capacity for humanity.

This is why I write like I do, as a counterpoint to your demeaning approach, which lesser men look up to for guidance. Like it or not, you are a public figure on the grandest stage. You’ve forced this on us all. By your own unsavory admission, you’ve proved yourself a bully, like so many others, blinded to the marvels of women in your incessant quest to conquer more of them than the next guy.

You’ve displayed this and more through your own words and conduct, bonding with the other boys in the only way you seem to know how—through marginalization rather than celebration of the most precious resource this world has left to offer. All that self-professed celebrity. All that opportunity. All that entitlement handed you in life. And yet, you used precisely none of it to expand your understanding of the fascinating female mind…only to extend your hand for the groping. It’s disgraceful. But I fear it is also contagious, and it’s most certainly a rapidly spreading disease.

In my short time as an author, I’ve come across countless others who hold themselves to a similar standard as yours. I’ve witnessed grown men promoting their books while actively soliciting nude photos from their fans. I wish I was making it up. I’ve had other men—and I stretch that term to its breaking point just to fit these sad specimens within it—attack me and others rather than facing their own insecurities when afraid their spouse might be straying. Women I see as valued colleagues, they clearly see as property, to be ordered about but never approached or addressed as equals. And science claims the Neanderthal died out…

I’ve lost count of all those for whom I’ve lost respect along the way, despite only ever expecting decency of anyone. We treat women like cattle to be corralled at our leisure, and then wonder why we aren’t taken seriously at our craft.

Blinding, isn’t it, the glaring irony of that plight?

The difference is, of course, that we as men choose to call it down upon ourselves, and have only ourselves to blame. Is it any wonder that change comes so reluctantly when we do so little to demand it? Indeed, when we do so much to stymie it?

The symptoms of our chauvinistic ways are wide-ranging but the sickness is easy to spot. And evidently, no station of society is immune. It begins with a seed of “locker room banter” but quickly spreads into full-blown disrespect. The more likely one is to hide behind the rhetoric of “boys will be boys,” the less likely that person will ever stop. As long as a fraternity exists behind the scenes so adept at culturing the absence of culture, the cycle will continue to perpetuate itself. Those who fear the mysteries of women will seek instead the company of men, immersing themselves in an escalating game of delusion over a prowess that doesn’t exist.

Locker rooms. Country clubs. Capitol Hill. It’s all the same, all variations on that fort we once built in the backyard, replete with “No Girls Allowed” over the door. The difference is, some of us stepped out of that boys’ club years ago, realizing the rules of membership forbade many of the best and brightest among us. We opted to side with the fairer sex. The gentler sex. The sex wielding more might than some will ever have the guts to admit. But I fear we are still woefully outnumbered, as underscored by the vile revelations polluting the news today.

Well it’s time we shout out, “Enough!” And the more collectively, the better. We need to push back against the bullies. I don’t care who they are. It’s time for we men, however many of us remain, to stand up and be counted alongside the women these “boys” would seek to demean. Not as arcane protectors of some damsel in need of our salvation but as equals through and through, side by side and locked in solidarity against this surging cancer of Neolithic behavior that infects us all so long as it infects just one.

Maybe they’re right. Maybe boys really will be boys. And that’s exactly the problem. They don’t grow up, however old they get or whatever position they hold. Fortunately, change need not start at the top and trickle its way down. Nor need it come from elders who would abuse their clout and power like adolescents run amok. Perhaps this time it should work its way up the ladder, beginning with all of us. Today.

This has nothing to do with politics; it never did. It has to do with character and I, for one, have had enough. Each of us makes his own choice whether to demean and derogate or to hold ourselves and others to a standard of equality. Race, gender, religion, all of it. We are the end product of our actions, and of our words. I am proud to use mine for advancing the humanization of sensuality, and for exploring the endless potential of emotional and physical love. And from this day on, whenever I doubt the potency of such efforts, I will think back upon the words that slithered from your lips and the wealth of depravity they convey.

This is no “distraction” from the vital matters impacting our world today. This is our world, and these are the very issues that comprise it. Broken as it may be, it’s the only one we have. And it appears there’s still so much to be done. An example needs to be set, not by abstaining from praise for such lecherous conduct but by rising to vocally condemn it.

In a world of hangers-on, I’d rather stand apart. And I know many others would as well. Shun us, target us, revoke our perks of membership. Whatever you do, just don’t forget to change the sign over the door to your little club. Actually, no. Let us do it for you.

“No Girls Allowed. No Real Men Interested.”

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5 thoughts on “Boys Will Be Boys. I’d Rather Be a Man.

    1. Thank you so much. I debated a bit on whether to speak up, as if anyone cares what I think. But then I guess I realized that nothing is ever going to change if we don’t start forcing it at some level.

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  1. *Clap, Clap*. You said it very well, JD. I am glad you spoke your mind about this. I am so tired and fed up listening to Trump ranting, degrading, bullies, and so on! Trump even said to Howard Stern that “it is okay to call my daughter a “piece of ass””. WTF. He is one sick man thinking that he come from money that he can be able to do things he sees fit. You are a way better man than him! You have class, integrity, and respects for women. Kudos to you for standing up.

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    1. I guess as I see it, standing up as equals is nothing more than decency, to be expected and demanded of everyone. I’ve been around the wealthy “elite” and I know this is not an isolated incident but every time I see or hear an old white man in a suit and power position downplay the severity of this kind of conduct, it sickens me. How can we take such a cavalier approach to the degradation of class after class of people and pretend these people actually care about *us* for some reason? It’s absurd.

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